Touched Out

lost my mind

Around a year old Caleb weaned himself at night. I have had some fabulous nights of sleep. Even better, he sleeps from about 11pm till at least 8am the next morning usually. Two naps during the day, nursing intermittently… it works really well for both of us. Yesterday though…

Caleb decided he needed a nap at nine last night, didn’t wake up when his daddy got home, and went straight from the nap to bed with me. Five this morning I was regretting that terribly. He was WIDE awake and wanted nothing more than to nurse, snuggle, play, and kick me out of bed so that we could go play in the living room. Once we got into the living room, the little man was a total boob hound. Finally…

I turned Doc McStuffins on the TV and I took a shower. I was feeling frazzled, angry, exhausted. I was mad at him for wanting to meet his basic needs. I was mad at myself for thinking how mad I was at him and I realized that being mad at him was ridiculous and horrible but I couldn’t help it. All I could think was how touched out I was. I didn’t get enough sleep, I didn’t get woken up nicely like usual, and I needed a break.

Hours later I’ve come to the conclusion that all of those feelings are okay. I didn’t act on them in any way that could hurt my child. I didn’t scream at him or say things that would hurt his feelings. I just went and took a shower. I took the time to walk away from the situation, calm down, and move on. When I got out of the shower I took him in my arms, nursed him peacefully, and funny enough he fell asleep for a nap. I’m absolutely convinced that the reason he was acting out was because he could feel my frustration and the energy was hurting him.

When you’re this frustrated, when you feel like you’re going to break, take a step back. Go do something for you. Put your kiddo in a safe and entertaining place first of course, but the best thing you can do for the both of you is to take the time you need.

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