Imagine everything in your life being perfect. Your parents are happy, after months/years of fighting to get there, everything just falls into place. They paid off their truck, got the job of their dreams, received their passport, and ordered a sweet new pug dog, all in one magical day. You’re getting the chance to make good money, and doing so in a way that makes you happy. It’s the day before Valentine’s day, and everyone is thinking about dates, but not you. You’re just happy to spend your night watching Degrassi and sleeping with a sweet puppy all while keeping an eye on two sweet kiddos. Not a care in the world, no idea that anything could go wrong. You don’t thank anyone for this great day. It’s just another day, and tomorrow will be even better, you are so sure of this.
Until it’s not. Suddenly your world crumbles. No one will tell you what happened until you beg. Your mother tells you that your other parent has died. You ask how, but you don’t really want to know, because you already do. You pray that it was an accident, but it wasn’t. You don’t know what comes next, but you can never get yesterday back, and you want it. You want to go back and make today impossible, but you just can’t…
Every year around her birthday I can feel the wave of depression fold over me, but I try my best to ignore it all. Today, the emotions are just pouring out. When I woke up and jumped on Facebook I stumbled across two different posts, and both make me ugly cry like I haven’t in apparently not long enough. The stories were sad of course, but it was the underlying message that’s really kicking my emotional butt today.
The message was how easy it is to take what we have for granted. Of course it is though. We don’t know what comes next, we don’t know what others are going through or have been through, and we don’t know what we’ll one day miss either. It’s easy to be envious of others. It’s easy to only see what is now. Most of the time, I’m all for that. Today I just can’t stop thinking, man I miss it. I miss having these incredible people be in my life. I can’t help myself from missing my moms. I can’t help myself from wishing that there was a way to have them here now.
Here’s the thing though, I really have to add a big however to this whole thing. As much as I miss my moms, and as much as I wish they were in my current life, I don’t regret anything. I don’t wish that I could go back and change things, because my life would be very different today. I wouldn’t have met Corey, I wouldn’t have Caleb, and my life wouldn’t be on this incredibly rewarding path. Everything really happens for a reason. Everything. It doesn’t mean you aren’t going to feel pain. It doesn’t mean you won’t be angry or sad. It just means we have to really cherish every single person and thing in our lives, because in the next moment they could be gone. It’s cliched, I know, but it’s so true.
Today I’m going to snuggle Caleb just a little bit tighter. I’m going to make the most of today, and try to remember to thank the people I care about for being in my life more often. I’m going to try to be thankful that I have all of these amazing blessings around. I am so privileged to be alive… but gosh do I miss my mothers.