I’ve Been on a Journey

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Well hello there my incredible followers. I’m always amazed when I come back from a stupidly long hiatus and find out that you’re still here. Thank you. Thank you for trusting me to return, and thank you for inspiring me to open up to you again and again.

Today I need to tell you what has kept me away, and more importantly what has happened in the last SIX months. It doesn’t feel like it’s been that long, but the date stamp on my last post doesn’t lie. It’s been a roller coaster ride, and I say that in the most positive way I can muster. Health, family, death, life, school, work, emotions… well, here we go.

Around New Years I weighed myself for the first time in apparently far to long. I had managed to let myself go and gained so much weight that the scale painfully read: 295lbs. My heart sank, the tears poured from my eyes, and I laid back down onto the couch wondering what on Earth had led to such an unhealthy place. Yet, nothing changed. I continued to eat everything in sight, the cheapest of things, and feeling just awful. My back was in excruciating pain, my knees would click every step, I physically could not tie my shoes without losing my breath. Playing with Caleb was a huge no go because five minutes in I was too sore. I would play with him while sitting, but knew it wasn’t enough for him. My clothes were all too small or I’d wear things many sizes too big because finding a 4x was somehow impossible. Not to be too raunchy, but even sex was ruined because of all the weight I’d gained. I couldn’t do much besides lay there, and even then it was terrible, which poor Corey could surely feel. The littlest bit of pressure would suffocate me, the extra fat pushing onto my lungs and rib cage. I couldn’t be on top, because I didn’t have the stamina or strength to make it work.

Still feeling awful about myself, I decided to cut soda out and only drink water. I figured that one change would be a good start, and it was! I lost twenty pounds in the month of January, and though I felt great, once that weight was gone, my body was unwilling to lose anything else. Then I started baking. I baked these delicious treats every day, and suddenly those twenty pounds, along with another two, were back in no time at all. I had almost decided to just deal with it. I figured I wouldn’t be able to make the changes I need, so I should just used to it. I couldn’t exercise, I was in too much pain. I couldn’t eat vegan or any weird plan because I couldn’t afford it with Corey refusing it.

That’s when I was invited out to dinner with some dear family I hadn’t seen in a while. My sister-in-law and her awesome mom had lost a ton of weight, and I couldn’t stop staring! These were not small women getting super fit, but instead women like me who struggled with weight and it was like they’d just melted! I didn’t dare ask how though, because I was so sure I couldn’t do it myself. Once dinner came my sister-in-law, unable to contain her excitement, filled me in anyway. It was this “new” lifestyle (not diet) plan that they’d been on called Trim Healthy Mama. She explained that it was separating fuels and that her mom showed her it. Her mom then told me that every week they had dinners for it and that I could come. This was the middle of February, I wasn’t so sure, but figured it would be nice spending time with them anyway and free food can never hurt.

What incredible food that night was filled with! Cheese cake, lasagna… CHEESE CAKE. There was no way that it could be diet food. No way. Not possible… I went home and researched. Hours upon hours, reading everything I possibly could. I printed out pages and pages of tips, recipes, information, charts, motivation, and bible verses. This was food Corey would eat, food to keep Caleb healthy, food that I could afford, and best yet, according to my own family it worked! Corey thoughtfully purchased the official book and cookbook for the plan, and we did our first big shopping trip… He loved everything I made and this “lifestyle” plan was a go.

A friend of mine approached me, seeing that I was on this journey to fitness and health, and invited me to these week long exercise challenges. I accepted her offer, and got my butt totally handed to me. The first week was squats. The next was clean eating (already happening) and mixed exercises. I kept doing these challenges, but not really giving them my all if I was being honest. Then she started a core challenge. I had herniated a disk the week before, and was just barely rid of the swelling, but I told myself I HAD to go for this challenge. I knew my core was weak, and a lot of my pain came from that. I did that work out every single day for that week, and it hasn’t stopped. My back pain is nearly gone, and my whole body feels stronger in the best way. Might I add I also won two contests for that group that week, and that felt pretty darn awesome.

I started this journey at the beginning of March weight 297lbs and a 4x in clothing. Currently I weight 250lbs and I’m an XL in clothing. Those are incredible facts, but the non-scale victories outshine them every time. I can now run around with Caleb for a good hour. Walks that used to take me an hour and leave me miserable now take half the time and are done almost daily just because I enjoy them. I no longer suffer from chronic pain, but it is instead manageable with turmeric supplements. I’m a better mother and fiance. Sex, yes sex, has never been better. I’m so much more flexible, agile, and we can finally enjoy that time together again. This path has been, surprisingly, easy! Well, relatively. It’s hard, every step is hard. Making the choice to eat the salad over pizza, making the choice to prepare food every day instead of ordering something, choosing to do the dishes ten times a day because you use so many mason jars… yeah it’s hard. Getting up an hour earlier to go for a walk and do a Jillian Michael’s workout DVD… that’s hard! You know what’s harder? Being constantly tired, in pain, and knowing that you aren’t the mom you want to be. Nothing kills me more than knowing that my kid had to suffer because I wasn’t willing to make these choices till March. Now I just continue because not only is it the best for him,  but for myself as well.

My life is so full and blessed. I can’t afford to stop fighting to improve me. I can’t stop, because this life is a gift that can not be wasted. Below is the difference that three months of this journey made for me. Originally I was going to fill you lovely readers in on the last six months completely in this one post, but I think I’ve made you read enough already. I’ll be back to fill you in tomorrow though!

You are loved!

94 days-three months

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