Expectations Bring Disappointment

13827334_1224274674283506_1815827477_n

Today Caleb and I had a play group to go to. It’s one we used to go to every other week, but it usually wasn’t at the park with an entire daycare full of kids running around playing. For a split second, my expectation for him was to sit with the group on that parachute you see in the background. What on Earth was I thinking!? My child LOVES other kids, he loves the park, and he’s never been a fan of circle time. That split second was over, and him and I went off to play on the play equipment.

Sitting in the circle he started to cry. I can only imagine what was going through his sweet little head. “Why is mama punishing me? I just want to play!?” “But mama, why can all those other kids play, and I can’t?” “Mom, I just want to go play with these new friends!”

Well of course! How on Earth could I expect my two year old to sit, listen to instructions, and ignore that all the other kids are playing at a place he usually loves. My expectation ruined the fun for him, even if only for a minute. My expectation made me, just for a split second, frustrated that he wouldn’t conform to my will. No way. That’s madness.

This kind of thing happens a lot though. We go to the grocery store, it takes me an hour to shop, and I expect him to sit in the stroller quietly… HAHA! That’s hilarious right? I have to change my expectations and prepare for the realities. I bring snacks and toys, we sing silly songs, I get him involved… BECAUSE HE IS TWO AND THIS IS NORMAL CHILDHOOD BEHAVIOR! We go for a walk longer than five minutes. Do I expect him to hold my hand and comply to where I want to go the whole time at my exact speed? No way! I slow it down, I let him point out all the things around him, and sometimes I even let him walk a few steps ahead of me, because I trust him to not run off, and know I’ll be able to run with him even if he does.

I see parents at restaurants that spend the whole time yelling at their kids for one reason or another… “Well kids never learn if you don’t make them.” But what if what you’re expecting them to learn is just plain unrealistic? Sitting still is not something kids are meant to do till they are seven or older. Kids are meant to run around, stretch, and play! One moment parents are telling their kids to get out and move, the next they expect silence and still bodies. How did we get to these crazy expectations being normal to everyone around? Why is it that if kids don’t comply to these insane ideals they are labeled bad? Labeled as less than the kids who somehow do indeed comply? What a shame that all is…

Just take a deep breath parents. Your kids aren’t bad, they are just kids! Change your expectations and you’ll see that too soon enough.

YOU ARE LOVED

 

How’s that Journey to Health Going?

137 days-4 and a half months

Well, I’ve been on plan for 4.5 months now. The amount of joy and love I feel because of this incredible lifestyle is impossible to describe in words. My mood has completely been rebuilt. I was so full of depression and anxiety. I’m still struggling to balance, but I feel like I have some actual control, and have only had two panic attacks since getting 100% on plan compared to the minimum of one a week I had before. My family life has changed as well. My son, who I was worried about being too thin, has gained and looks so much healthier. My other half has lost weight as well, which is helping his self confidence, though he doesn’t like to admit that he ever needed to lose some weight.

This plan has brought me closer to God in my search for myself. I’ve learned to pray when I feel weak. I’ve learned to not put others before him, my other half, or my family. I am still struggling, but progress is being made every day.

My pain, which I certainly didn’t want to admit was from my weight, is so reduced that I can walk ten miles a day easily without feeling like I’m going to collapse. My stomach, which was torn apart in the worst way, now treats me well because this plan helped me figure out the foods I was sensitive to (corn being number one, and corn syrup being removed is a real blessing).

And… frankly, the results make me unable to stop smiling. I’m just humbled by the difference. I had to change my shorts before taking these pictures, because my size 18/20 shorts were falling off and not allowing these pictures to properly represent my difference. I started this plan at the beginning of March at a size 4x and 297lbs. Today I woke up at 244lbs, and my clothes are all too big so I’d say between a Large and 1x. It absolutely blows my mind. I used to never wear shorts, but I live in them now. I’m so much more comfortable in my body…

I’m so grateful for the people I have pushing me to become the best me I can be. I would like to share some links with you all including a link to a beachbody coach that has been helping me where it comes to exercise and my youtube and instagram link.

Ariel’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thefitveganmom/
Ariel is a mom of five, a dedicated unschooler, and one of my biggest supporters on this journey to health I’ve embarked on.

My Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mommisami/
I don’t have a ton on there yet, but I will be posting more and more.

My YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/SamiJordynn
I have a little bit of everything posted here. Health stuff, music stuff, parenting stuff… Please subscribe!

YOU ARE LOVED!

 

I’ve Been on a Journey

13407330_1089848547744117_9359532720842525_n

Well hello there my incredible followers. I’m always amazed when I come back from a stupidly long hiatus and find out that you’re still here. Thank you. Thank you for trusting me to return, and thank you for inspiring me to open up to you again and again.

Today I need to tell you what has kept me away, and more importantly what has happened in the last SIX months. It doesn’t feel like it’s been that long, but the date stamp on my last post doesn’t lie. It’s been a roller coaster ride, and I say that in the most positive way I can muster. Health, family, death, life, school, work, emotions… well, here we go.

Around New Years I weighed myself for the first time in apparently far to long. I had managed to let myself go and gained so much weight that the scale painfully read: 295lbs. My heart sank, the tears poured from my eyes, and I laid back down onto the couch wondering what on Earth had led to such an unhealthy place. Yet, nothing changed. I continued to eat everything in sight, the cheapest of things, and feeling just awful. My back was in excruciating pain, my knees would click every step, I physically could not tie my shoes without losing my breath. Playing with Caleb was a huge no go because five minutes in I was too sore. I would play with him while sitting, but knew it wasn’t enough for him. My clothes were all too small or I’d wear things many sizes too big because finding a 4x was somehow impossible. Not to be too raunchy, but even sex was ruined because of all the weight I’d gained. I couldn’t do much besides lay there, and even then it was terrible, which poor Corey could surely feel. The littlest bit of pressure would suffocate me, the extra fat pushing onto my lungs and rib cage. I couldn’t be on top, because I didn’t have the stamina or strength to make it work.

Still feeling awful about myself, I decided to cut soda out and only drink water. I figured that one change would be a good start, and it was! I lost twenty pounds in the month of January, and though I felt great, once that weight was gone, my body was unwilling to lose anything else. Then I started baking. I baked these delicious treats every day, and suddenly those twenty pounds, along with another two, were back in no time at all. I had almost decided to just deal with it. I figured I wouldn’t be able to make the changes I need, so I should just used to it. I couldn’t exercise, I was in too much pain. I couldn’t eat vegan or any weird plan because I couldn’t afford it with Corey refusing it.

That’s when I was invited out to dinner with some dear family I hadn’t seen in a while. My sister-in-law and her awesome mom had lost a ton of weight, and I couldn’t stop staring! These were not small women getting super fit, but instead women like me who struggled with weight and it was like they’d just melted! I didn’t dare ask how though, because I was so sure I couldn’t do it myself. Once dinner came my sister-in-law, unable to contain her excitement, filled me in anyway. It was this “new” lifestyle (not diet) plan that they’d been on called Trim Healthy Mama. She explained that it was separating fuels and that her mom showed her it. Her mom then told me that every week they had dinners for it and that I could come. This was the middle of February, I wasn’t so sure, but figured it would be nice spending time with them anyway and free food can never hurt.

What incredible food that night was filled with! Cheese cake, lasagna… CHEESE CAKE. There was no way that it could be diet food. No way. Not possible… I went home and researched. Hours upon hours, reading everything I possibly could. I printed out pages and pages of tips, recipes, information, charts, motivation, and bible verses. This was food Corey would eat, food to keep Caleb healthy, food that I could afford, and best yet, according to my own family it worked! Corey thoughtfully purchased the official book and cookbook for the plan, and we did our first big shopping trip… He loved everything I made and this “lifestyle” plan was a go.

A friend of mine approached me, seeing that I was on this journey to fitness and health, and invited me to these week long exercise challenges. I accepted her offer, and got my butt totally handed to me. The first week was squats. The next was clean eating (already happening) and mixed exercises. I kept doing these challenges, but not really giving them my all if I was being honest. Then she started a core challenge. I had herniated a disk the week before, and was just barely rid of the swelling, but I told myself I HAD to go for this challenge. I knew my core was weak, and a lot of my pain came from that. I did that work out every single day for that week, and it hasn’t stopped. My back pain is nearly gone, and my whole body feels stronger in the best way. Might I add I also won two contests for that group that week, and that felt pretty darn awesome.

I started this journey at the beginning of March weight 297lbs and a 4x in clothing. Currently I weight 250lbs and I’m an XL in clothing. Those are incredible facts, but the non-scale victories outshine them every time. I can now run around with Caleb for a good hour. Walks that used to take me an hour and leave me miserable now take half the time and are done almost daily just because I enjoy them. I no longer suffer from chronic pain, but it is instead manageable with turmeric supplements. I’m a better mother and fiance. Sex, yes sex, has never been better. I’m so much more flexible, agile, and we can finally enjoy that time together again. This path has been, surprisingly, easy! Well, relatively. It’s hard, every step is hard. Making the choice to eat the salad over pizza, making the choice to prepare food every day instead of ordering something, choosing to do the dishes ten times a day because you use so many mason jars… yeah it’s hard. Getting up an hour earlier to go for a walk and do a Jillian Michael’s workout DVD… that’s hard! You know what’s harder? Being constantly tired, in pain, and knowing that you aren’t the mom you want to be. Nothing kills me more than knowing that my kid had to suffer because I wasn’t willing to make these choices till March. Now I just continue because not only is it the best for him,  but for myself as well.

My life is so full and blessed. I can’t afford to stop fighting to improve me. I can’t stop, because this life is a gift that can not be wasted. Below is the difference that three months of this journey made for me. Originally I was going to fill you lovely readers in on the last six months completely in this one post, but I think I’ve made you read enough already. I’ll be back to fill you in tomorrow though!

You are loved!

94 days-three months

High Fructose Corn Syrup is Evil!

2015/01/img_1310.jpg
Super dramatic title to drag you in…
Of course it isn’t really evil (or is it?) but I can tell you right now that it is a serious addiction. It’s in so many foods and drinks that we consume as a nation in a daily bases.
For my first month of “New Year Resolutions” I decided to cut out all soda and Arizona tea. After a few weeks of doing so I have started feeling less bloated, I am more awake, and my clothes are fitting again even though I’ve only lost half a pound. Great results from something so simple right? Now here’s the real kicker… For the first three weeks I craved it constantly. A few days ago I took a sip of my others half to take some Tylenol with… And it was disgusting! I was absolutely repulsed! So, the next day I went and tried an Arizona Tea… Same thing! I took one sip and gave it to the other half. The common denominator between the two? Corn Syrup! I started looking at other products around my home and anything with Corn Syrup in it was either nasty or just thrown straight out because it wasn’t worth keeping it in my home.
That’s right, we are a corn syrup free, raw cane sugar living household and I am so glad. Such a simple change that will help you loose inches and feel better right away.
For more information on why Corn Syrup is evil, check out this pretty awesome website.
Link

Happy New Years!

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/fa1/56092879/files/2015/01/img_0172.jpg
I know, I know… Where the heck have you been Sami? Why haven’t you put out a post in forever!?
I’m sorry! I honestly don’t have a very good excuse. I wish I did… My little man turned one in October and my life has been consumed with him, babysitting, and crocheting! I swear, every free moment I have I have been crocheting. Then every weekend up until Christmas I was doing craft fairs. Now that 2014 is gone and 2015 has come crashing in, I finally have some time to just sit down and write.
The first thing I want to talk about is of course, my New Year’s Resolution. I don’t have one! I have a very short term healthy goal though. This year I plan to cut one or two things out of my diet each month. January it’s Soda and Sweet Tea because frankly, I just drink way to much of it and that isn’t very good for me. So this month I am only drinking water and coffee. I need my caffeine still. Sugarless coffee though, which works because my aunt bought me Pumpkin Coffee for Christmas which is fabulous! On top of this, my lovely fiancé purchased me an elliptical for Christmas as well and that shall be my daily half hour work out.
Why is this necessary? My whole life (from about 14-18 at least) I was 180lbs. That was big obviously but it was comfortable. I was healthy. Currently, at only 20 years old, I am 270lbs. I feel terrible. I wheeze walking down the street. I can barely bend over. My clothes don’t fit anymore. I’m willing to admit all these things because I’m not ashamed but things do need to change. I just drink too any sugary drinks, eat too much pasta, and my portion sizes need to change. I feel like I walk a good amount and get a decent amount of exercise but I need to step it up. My life, my child’s enjoyment, depends on it. So, wish me luck guys.
Next thing, my son is one! 15 months is more accurate but… He is walking, talking, and just too smart for my own good. He amazes me every single day. He is also still breastfeeding and sleeping with us but we have moved his mattresses next to our bed to give us all some extra room.
I’ve also begun taking a class called PLTI which stands for Parent Leader Training Institute. It’s essentially an ethics class that focuses on local government and how to make your community better for children. It’s a wonderful class and the people in it are truly wonderful. They just want to do what’s best for the kids and that’s a refreshing thing to see. Another big part of this is that the Three hours each week I am in the class, my son gets to go to daycare! It’s right in the building next to our class and I can go get him any time, but he is actually doing really well with it. You all know I am not a fan of daycares, I just don’t trust them, but he is with a bunch of older kids and seems genuinely happy to be there so for now we are sticking with it.
Another new thing unfortunately is that out laptop has broken which means any blog posts I put up will be from my phone. Because of that, please bare with me.
I think that’s a pretty decent update for now. I promise to try to post much more often from now on.
Thanks for sticking with me and Happy New Year!

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/fa1/56092879/files/2015/01/img_0047.jpg

Weight Gain Sucks: Size Zero or 5x

Image

     Years ago my cousin had gotten pregnant and was always whining about getting bigger. As a former size zero she had become a size ten just from her baby belly and enlarged breasts. She didn’t look any bigger to me really. Her face didn’t show it, nor did her arms or legs. At the time I thought she was being ridiculous. How could this skinny little thing complain to me, a size XL? 

     She explained it to me though. When she spent all this time keeping her body one size, it was depressing to gain so much weight so fast. Her body hurt. Because of all the extra weight, her back had begun aching and she felt ugly. Her body was not recognizable to her and it made her depressed. 

     When you don’t fit into a pair of pants, even if you’ve only grown half a size, it hurts. I’m a very confident person when it comes to my body. Now though, instead of the 1X person I’ve been for over five years now and gotten comfortable in, I’m a 3X or more. The only reason though is that my belly has grown because I am pregnant. That extra weight is nearly killing me. My pelvis aches if I stand for much more than half an hour and my back kills me every night. I can’t get comfortable and my legs feel like they are jello. 

     It is the worst feeling though when you can’t fit into your clothes. When you have to go up two, three, four different sizes. It makes you feel like your whole body is expanding and you’re out of control. My family has been kind helping me get big clothes like that as my belly expands, really nice clothes even, but it’s still hard for me. Yesterday though I learned a valuable lesson. I’m still a 1X. I just need to get 1X in Maternity clothes! What a wonderful feeling that is. Putting on a shirt that has my size written on the tag as what I’d learned to love and have it not only fit me but feel very comfortable as well. Now I am putting the 3X clothes to the side (besides this one shirt I love) and wearing the clothes that are truly my size. 

     So here’s the lesson my dear friends. Wear clothes that make you feel good. Only good. If you are feeling down about your size or weight gain, remember that it’s temporary. Pregnant or not, it is always temporary. Life is Good

Image